Fastest rejected? But he didn’t even offer?
Just said he could, if he wanted to.
Which is bad enough.
I just spent all night read this to get cought up, and I LOVE IT! It is in my top three web-comics, and thats saying something since I don’t really care for many sci-fi web-comics…..
Love the art, love the story line, and eagerly waiting for more!
Nice webcomic. I found it this morning, and wasn’t disapointed at all.
Keep going on with the quality of dialogues and art. ^_^
Most enjoyable. I hope to see more
“That’s got to be the fastest I’ve ever seen her reject someone.”
Maybe it is just me but this sentence is awfully wierd.
Great new layout for the sight, loads much faster…
@Jim, now your hooked ain’t you?
I know what MattMatthew is talking about… It comes off a little weirdly. I sounds a little better (at least in my head) if it was more along the lines of: “Wow. I’ve flown with her for years, and that’s the fastest I’ve seen her shoot someone down.” Don’t know if that’s really any better, but the original line doesn’t have the best flow. Oh, and as this is my first time commenting, great job on the story so far. It’s shaping up to be really interesting, and I look forward to seeing where it ends up in the future.
Woah…. @ArtieTech: this isn’t the new layout, this was a major screw up on my part. I accidentally overwrote my index file on wordpress, so I had to reset the layout. I’ll be trying to fix it all day today, I’ll probably use this opportunity to make everything new and shiny though.
I don’t really see what is wrong with Rick’s line, but keep in mind I was staring at this page for like 6 hours… lol. I I might fix it later, but meh. I don’t really see it as a big deal.
So, Holly. How do you like the impromptu, unsolicited writing group that the internet has conjured up for you?
As per Aegir’s suggestion, It’d certainly be wittier on Rick’s part, but there’s certainly nothing WRONG with Rick’s current line! It might be an improvement, however, and you may want to consider it on those grounds. Maybe change up the lines if you’re looking to portray Rick as a bit of a wisecracker… the line Aegir provided definitely has more of an “oooh BURN” feel to it, which has the added bonus that it makes Grey’s response seem more petulant as a consequence!
I love Grey’s response, though. I can hear it in my head just PERFECTLY. I lawled.
It’s great, really… (lol, jk). Honestly though, I don’t mind hearing the occasional suggestion, I realize my work is far from perfect lol, and I do appreciate the fact that anyone would take the time to try to help me.
Also, I don’t want anyone to be upset when I wont change dialogue every time it is suggested. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if I agree that there’s something wrong with it, I’ll change it. But, if I think people are just nitpicking, I’ll usually leave it, until maybe I decide to rework it later on. Either way, I appreciate the feedback!
I should warn that I’m going to be reworking the wordpress site today, so it may look funny from time to time, the comic should still be readable though.
*edit* AHHH I don’t know what I did, but my site’s back! WOO!!
Sorry, I’m just totally relieved I don’t have to redo everything. Now to go backup my files in case this happens again…
No upsetting on my part, just trying to help:-).
To me this sounds more understandable: ‘That’s got to be the fastest rejection I’ve ever seen from her.’
If we look at your version: “That’s got to be the fastest …” what? “Her reject someone”? That makes no sense. It is the fastest _rejection_ done by her.
Don’t get me wrong, I am trying to help, not trying to criticise your work, what is by the way pretty good. So no hard feelings:-).
New to this comic, saw a banner of it on Legend Of Bill and the art really pulled me in. I’m enjoying it – the
characters, the art, the story and the setting – and can’t wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work!
I like the comic but I know that artists appreciate feedback, specifically stuff that helps them better. I need you to know that your comic already is pretty fantastic, but what I write below is my honest opinion and desire to make
it even better. Sorry if I sound like a jerkface, but I seriously am only writing this out of hope that you will find it useful. So, the rest of the post is me being the Devil’s Advocate. It’s not nitpick, it’s things i think
would be benefitial to your story-writing.
You’re fine for a graphic novel style, but this isn’t a novel – it’s a periodically updated story. As such ,you might want to re-consider the way you do your pages. That is, when you write a page you have to consider not only how it’s going to be read in the archives (and it reads really well) but also how it’s going to be read on a (bi)weekly basis. Ask yourself – how much content does the page have? Does it say something about the characters, advances the plot and develops the setting (all at once preferably ), or is it just exposition? Kind a like the chapter pages – they are fine because the art is kick-ass, but maybe you could have kick-ass art that’s part of the story, setting or characters being themselves?
Not to sound gluttonous, but doing all that at once is nice, and certain professional quality webcomics have that very nice trait (not saying that “professional” or “industry-standard” is automatically good, but it is one of those things that tend to work well).
The next point is about your dialogue. Don’t worry – aside from occasional awkwardness that even the Legends of the Pen sometimes have, the dialogue is solid. What could really bring it up a step though is making the dialogue sound like something that only that specific character would say, something that reveals or builds upon that specific personage’s personality. Right now, a lot of the time the dialogue feels unspecific, like the same line could be delivered by almost anyone without telling anything about the person. Like in the beginning, when Agrippa rescues Grey, they talk about the war and the military, but what they say lacks individuality, it’s something you would expect a rebel and a soldier screwed over by the governement to talk about, without learning anything about them.
This comic has had 100 pages, and it was only recently that we learned that the first page character is somewhat libido-driven. That’s a common trait, very obvious, easy to show and depending on how you show it (smooth or she’s-standing-right-behind-me-isn’t-she) tells about the subject’s priorities (pleasure or self-perfection), age (childish, mature or weary), willpower and history(experience with women, conditions one grew up in). An example of this in one of the earlier comic pages might have been a recruitment scene with Agrippa and Grey.
[Walking through the base, Agrippa is showing Grey around, talks about important stuff, introduces resistance members]
Agrippa: …And this is Somebody Somebodievna, she’s in charge of the SID(Something Important Department ).
[Person in reference is female, sporting great cleavage. Could be your average Jane, just a little more liberal in her clothes]
Grey: [distracted, tries not to stare but it's very obvious]Umm… Hi.
[She passes by, amused by Grey's reaction.]
A: [Blah blah blah something important]
G: [Steals a glance at woman]Mmhmm…
A: Hey, are you listening to me?
G: What? Um.. erm..
A: [To the woman]Would you put on a uniform like everyone else already?
W: [Laughs]Come on, I’m like a walking recruitment poster!
[Agrippa is speechless from fury]
OK, not Shakespeare (not meant to be anyways) but despite looking big, it’s all for a single page. BUT it accomplishes the goals of the first criticism – Agrippa is shown as gruff and disciplined, Grey is shown to be a ladies’ man, the resistance fighters are shown to be individuals (somewhat liberal I might say ), the stuff Agrippa is talking about helps setup the setting and this tells that Grey being incorporated into the Resistance (plot advancement). And the dialogue of each individual character could be delivered only by that character. Ok, ok, I lie, it’s still pretty broad, but it gives the reader a good sense of what the characters’ personalities are. The reader learns more about Grey, Agrippa and gets the impression that the Freedom Fighters are free-spirited (which they should be). PLUS, later on, when Agrippa chides Grey duringstand Agrippa’s and Grey’s attitudes because the reader was already subjected to them. AND when Agrippa curses in his native language, it makes more sense because there’s been Groundwork laid down for that reaction/attitude.
Well, I hope that helps you and doesn’t sound too mean. By the way, this is a MASSIVE wall of text and I would appreciate it if you at the very least aknowledged it. Otherwise, I’m afraid my fragile ego will think you’ve missed it and prompt me to re-post this again and again…
Anyways, Good Work, Good Luck and Long Live TERRA!
I’m glad that you took the time to write such an extensive assessment of my work. You made some good points and I’ll definitely take them into consideration.
I do want to say that I know some of the work in the comic is flawed, I can only hope that I can learn from my mistakes and get better. To be honest, I wanted to restart the comic when I redid the prologue back in the summer, but decided against it as I already had over 100 pages at that point. Ultimately, I decided to work with what I had, regardless of how many flaws I felt the earlier chapters had.
So in short, I agree with some of the points you brought up. I’m trying hard to work on my storytelling and dialogue skills, so feedback helps quite a bit. Thanks.
I am not a picnicker…erh…hitpicker…ah…nitwitter.
Heck with it. I like Grey and have a good idea of
what he went through.
They were shotdown in a spacecreft and left behind.
Grey’s entire unit was killed or executed. Men who
lead him, who he trained with, and his spotting partner
(a sniper’s best friend). Imagine your entire group of
friends gone, everyone you talked to and about. I
think his bravado covers those feelings and they just
pierced it really horribly. It was not like he intended
her to overhear.
(Sorry for this trip down my memory lane). ;(
Exactly, Grey is disciplined and (somewhat) respectful. He likes women, but he doesn’t just drool over random girls, or spill his guts in front of a complete stranger (when he first met Agrippa). He’s got a lot of demons, he just hides it well, and carries himself with the sense of pride that he gained during his time in the military.
Ohh, nice, that 2nd foot-in-mouth (I — uhh… well, sort of) _was_ followed by a 3rd. Am I good at this or am I good at this?
[That was _my_ foot btw. As Jamming & Holly hashes out, O'Shea is really easy to sympathize with even when he comes off ... non-cocked. *I* wouldn't know where to put my feet in his situation.]
Since this is plenty critics time, I would add that the dialog comes off good in this one, a natural flow. So does the graphics with its consistent back and forth on perspective. (Though when I take a step back it looks cramped – so possibly the artist pulled a rabbit out of her/his hat, literary & figuratively dragging you in with that open first panel before feeling confused.)
Oh, and if this comic is to be printed, the artist (Holly?) may want to fix “setteled” eventually. Please don’t “settele” for the 2nd best when it’s up there!
D’oh! Info’s up _there_, created by Holly & Drew; my excuses! (The first you go blind on is your eyes…)
“Get in the damn ship.”
@ArtieTech:Yep,I’m eager to see what they’ll do,how do Holly will handle with the story and some plots (the techie’s family on earth, rebellion & recuitement of other characters). I really like Agrippa, he reminds me of a klingon :p
@Holly: I wonder what were your inspirations to draw the marine’s armors. They look very nice, not too big and with some elements from nowadays suits. And thanks for having a female character with strong behavior without being lightly clothed. She didn’t do a lot, but I already like her. ^_^
First rule of Webcomics…Artists always win, unless they like the other idea but then they still win. I don’t debate or argue with Holly, I merely state my opinion. Drew on the other hand…(use your imagination)…Actually he is kind of cool, but now one tell him I said that.
I wanted to ask to you guys… Does your computer freeze when you enter in Terra website? Mine always does
Nope, no freeze. In fact, my laptop seems to like the site as much as I do!
Ok first off Holly i want to say everytime i see an update i vote for Terra has it has become my number one favorite webcomic 2ndly i think your art work is just simply amazing you have a great gift for drawing never stop
Thanks so much!
Ha ha! I read his dialogue in the third panel in a British accent. Love it!